Pregnancy Loss Due to Miscarriage
We remember all babies who have died as a result of miscarriage. We remember all mothers and fathers whose hearts are aching and arms empty, who never had a chance to love or hold their babies. We ask God's healing to fill the void and emptiness that has been left.
The experience of a miscarriage can be one of the most difficult experiences any woman has to face. A miscarriage results in a flood of emotions which can include anger, sadness, guilt, fear, depression and anxiety. Often, after a miscarriage, a woman wonders why and what she did or didn't do to cause the miscarriage. Many times, friends and families don't know how to react and say unintentionally insensitive things like, "You can have another", "I know just how you feel" or "Thank God you already have children" or "It's just nature's way."
Because miscarriages are so prevalent, a woman may feel that she is out of line for having strong emotions over the miscarried baby. Bottling up these emotions only makes the situation more difficult. By acknowledging the grief and sadness and finding the right support, a woman can learn to accept the loss of her child and continuing living a life with hope and happiness.
If you are trying to emotionally heal from pregnancy loss due to miscarriage, it is important to:
- Acknowledge and express your emotions
This process is different for every woman. Some may express their anger and disbelief through shouting or crying, while another woman may choose to sit and think in silence. It is normal be angry with God, others and perhaps yourself. It is normal to harbor resentment for other women who are pregnant. It is also very normal to blame yourself. While this is normal and common, but you must keep reminding yourself that you are not to blame.
- Take time to grieve
Are you someone who thinks if you just keep busy, everything will be fine? Take the time to slow down and experience the emotions of your loss. Take time off from work, take time to pray about it, take time to think about your baby. You may find it therapeutic to do something to honor your child by writing about your experience in a journal, making a donation to a charity in honor of your baby, or even planting a tree to remember the baby. Doing these types of things is not silly or weird. It is part of healing.
- Don't shut out your support system
Keep in mind that your spouse is also suffering from the loss of the baby. It is important to support each other during this difficult time. Take time for each other to openly discuss your feelings and fears. Use the strength of your marriage to weather this storm rather than shutting out your spouse. Friends and family may be at a loss as to what to say. Many times, insensitive comments that trivialize your loss are a result of just not knowing how to act in this situation. It is ok to ask family members to just listen to you. Supporting you is not the same cheering you up. Sometimes a mother, a sibling or friend can be a great shoulder to cry on.
Use the resources available to you. This may be a priest or other clergy or support groups within your church or community center. Being with others who have had similar experiences can be very healing. Below is a list of local support groups for healing from pregnancy loss due to a miscarriage:
- GRIEVING PARENTS SUPPORT GROUP
A support group for parents who have lost an infant through miscarriage, stillbirth, or early infant death.
Pleasant Ridge Presbyterian Church, Kemper Room, 6950
Montgomery Road, Cincinnati, OH 45213. Contact: Mary Beth Cooper, (513) 872-1163.
- HEARTS: SUPPORT GROUP
Peer-led support group for parents who have lost a child through molar or ectopic pregnancy, miscarriage, premature, birth, stillbirth, neonatal death, SIDS, and birth defects.
Faith Community United Methodist Church, 4310 Richardson Road, Independence, KY 41051. for additional information, email: HEARTSNKYemail@example.com.
- HOPE: HELPING OVERWHELMED PARENTS ENDURE
A support group in the Northern Kentucky area for bereaved parents who have lost a child of any age from any cause. The goal is to provide a safe and supportive place in which to mourn and explore new ways of coping with loss. http://www.parentshope.com/home.html
- GOOD SAMARITAN HOSPITAL Cincinnati, Ohio,
Meet at Bethesda North 4th Wednesday from 7:30-9:00 p.m.,
Contact Alana Roush, RNC, 1-513-872-1163
- HEALING TOGETHER (Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Infants to age 1),
Middletown Regional Hospital, Middletown, Ohio,
Meet at Hilltop OB/GYN Office, 105 McKnight 3rd Tuesday from 7:00-8:30 p.m.
Contact Sheree Young, RNC or Sheila Johnson, 1-513-420-5755 (ext. 6292)
**Sometimes the loss of a child because of a miscarriage can be too overwhelming for woman and the intervention of a professional is necessary. If you experience overwhelming depression or anxiety or have suicidal or violent thoughts, please visit your doctor who can recommend a mental health professional.